Purpose

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So without further ado lets get down to business.

Who am I? What am I? Where am I? Am I really in Tokyo? Am I even awake? Have the past few years been a dream and I am really in the UK sleeping in my house in London? Am I even alive? Am I dead and this is hell? Is this my first time on earth? Or was I here 300 years ago as an Indian guy with a turban and a red dot on my forehead?

Once in a while I just turn it all off. The music, TV, PC, phone, the lot. I sit there and I think. What the hell is going on around me? What is the meaning of it all?

This weekend I will turn 25. That is a quarter century. I have been on this planet for a decent amount of time now. Looking back at my parents, their generation and the generation before they probably all had kids and full families at my age.

I sometimes look in the mirror and ask myself what the hell could I do for a kid? What could I teach a kid that is looking up at me saying “Daddy. Daddy!”?

I think in terms of maturity our generation is doing pretty badly. We have all the things they never had. An abundant of resources and opportunities but too many people just take it for granted.

I sometimes just sit at my desk at work thinking what is the meaning of all this. The monotony of it all. Go to work, come home sleep, have a little fun on the weekend, rinse repeat, THIS IS YOUR LIFE. Maybe I am doing it wrong. Maybe I am not putting enough effort into life and that’s why I feel like I am wasting away at times. But one thing is for sure, there is no way I can bear this monotony until I hit retirement and end up spending the rest of my days in a bingo hall.

But maybe that is our purpose. When I was young my Pops said this to me “In this world ain’t nothing going on but the rent.” At the time I didn’t take much notice since I was living at home for free and going to school so it did not apply to me. But now I have gained 100% independence I feel the meaning of those words every day. So maybe that is the purpose. To live a life that revolves around paying the rent with a few hobbies thrown in here and there. At this moment I just don’t know.

A friend of mine once told me that it is our purpose to procreate. Procreate? A family, a family name, a family tree, a bloodline, a heritage, a lineage. These seemed to be quite important to the older generation. Especially to males. Keep the family name alive. Keep my blood line alive so even when I am gone I have left my mark on this earth and I will be remembered.

To tell the truth I couldn’t really care too much about leaving my mark or anything like that. Obviously I care about my actual family but the name and stuff like that is not something I am really bothered about. Who the hell cares what retards and strangers think of me when I am dead? As long as my reputation does not cause trouble for the people I left behind, I couldn’t really care.

Maybe our purpose was decided before we were even born.

I was a doctor, your granddad was a doctor, your great, great granddad’s pet fish was a doctor, so now you must also become a doctor. That kind of thinking is still around. You see it a lot. Sometimes you are bound to a certain type of occupation or life based on the sort of work thegenerations before you have done.

Or sometimes even worse you are entrusted with the broken dream of a parent or family member. The father who wants you to become a tennis player because he failed to make it as a pro. Now he needs you to become one so you can live the dream that he failed to live for him...

Oops didn’t realize how long this was getting lol. Guess I’ll come back to this topic again someday.

Peace